MY BLOG HAS MOVED!

Just letting everyone know that I will no longer be blogging here as I'm finding it to hard to maintain two blogs! So from now on you can follow my journery at http://www.getactiveonline.com/blog/index.html

(you should be able to leave comments soon!)

Back in the land of the living!

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for all of your lovely comments, it really means a lot to know people care and have been through similar experiences. I'm sorry I haven't personally replied but I've just been focusing on moving forward at the moment and find it easier to focus on what's in front of me rather than whats happened (if that makes sense).

So anyway I'm finally started to feel "normal" after a few weeks of hell! The weekend was tough as I was put on this medication to bring on a miscarriage although after taking them every 4 hours all I got was bad nausea and a few cramps! I was so frustrated as I just wanted to move on and was hoping it would be over by Monday. So Monday I spoke to the Dr and was booked in for a D&C on Tuesday, all went well and I was in and out on Tuesday and was just left feeling a bit tired. It all sounds so cold and sterile when I type it but it has actually been a relief to have some closure. I'm actually in a really good place mentally as I suppose I've been an emotional wreck for a couple of weeks and it's good to stop stressing and be able to get excited about other things in the future. This whole experience has made me realise what is most important to me and what life is really all about! If it wasn't for my amazing hubby, family and friends life just wouldn't be the same. I feel so very lucky to have so many amazing people in my life and it has made me realise that whatever happens in life doesn't really matter that much as long as I am surrounded by all of these wonderful people. So even though this last bit of time has been one of my worst, emotionally I think I have come out of it a better person! Life is to be lived to the full and enjoy every minute whatever it may bring.

So emotionally I am doing well although physically is a different story...... after surgery on Tuesday I have managed to get back into things full steam ahead although I can tell my hormones are still running havoc. It's amazing the lack of information given to you after the fact, I'm just lucky to have a friend who has been through it all before and give me a bit of an idea of what to expect. I suppose after you have surgery you expect to go back to normal although it seems to take your hormones a bit longer to catch up! The last couple of days have seen my belly expand and look 6 months pregnant, not a nice feeling. So even though I'm back on track both nutrition and training wise I think it's going to take me a good couple of months before my body responds like I know it should.

I can't even begin to describe how good mentally it has helped being back in the gym this week, although it's not like I've even missed a week but just haven't been doing half the amount or intensity of training that I used to. So I've been loving my weights even threw in a few kettle bell routines today plus I'm back at Spin (gotta love spin). I've also found a new love, the stepper! Yes I know it sounds weird but as hard as it is I just love it, I've found a great fat burning & interval program that really get my heart rate right up there without the high impact of all of my running. So I'm feeling very sore from doms this week, slowly as I do more weight sessions another part of my body gets sore. I just did legs this morning and I'm dreading how sore I will be tomorrow especially since I've got spin!

So anyway enough from me, I've gotta get this butt into gear and give this house a long overdue spring clean!

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

Luv Hilds

P.S had to post a picture of my gorgeous hubby!

LIFE'S CHALLENGES...............

WARNING - This post is long and very personal. I have chosen to publish it because it might help some other women deal a little bit better with a similar experience.

THE BEGINNING

Oh my god, I never thought this day would come! I’m pregnant! I’m still a bit in shock and can’t quite believe it although after three positive home pregnancy tests and a blood test you think it would start to sink in. What started as heartburn has turned into my life changing forever!

I suppose for years now I have had these thought in the back of my mind that I just couldn’t have kids, I’m not really sure where it came from but deep down I have always wanted to have a family but not sure if this dream would ever become a reality. A year ago today I was a day away from getting married and here I am a year later finding out that we will have a family too!

A year ago I went of the pill after 15 years on it and my hormones and body went into shock. For the past year I have had four periods and no regular cycle whatsoever, so my secret desire to have a child day seemed all that further away. How could I possibly get pregnant with no regular periods? Maybe I’m just not meant to have kids? We were actually just about to get tested to see if we could have kids, so at least we know where we stood.

So how do I feel? So very excited, happy but at the same time so nervous and scared, finding out you are pregnant at just 2-3 weeks is nerve racking, especially for a first time mum. I keep thinking will everything be alright, I’ve read so much about miscarriage and how common it is and that it is a real possibility. Now that I am pregnant it’s all I want and all I can think about and the possibility of that being taken away is just horrible. I know that if things happen then it is for a reason and it wasn’t meant to be but I just want this and I don’t want anyone to take this feeling away from me.

So excitedly we have told all of our family, I’m not very good at keeping a secret especially from those closest to me so we just had to share the news and to say they are excited is a little bit of an understatement!

My wonderful hubby is fantastic although going through phases of calm and absolute shock. As he says “life as I know it no longer exists”, not that this is a bad thing but it is quite true and things will never quite be the same. I’m lucky I have a husband who communicates and actually thinks about things, he knows how hard it will be to bring a baby into our relationship and that things will change although we have discussed that it is something we would still love to do!

So here I am only 3 weeks gone, feeling tired already and just can’t wait for weeks to pass as I know the more weeks I have this precious little baby inside me the safer it is! So I’m off on a work trip, six days flying all over the place. So hopefully I don’t get struck down with morning sickness and all the work helps to take my mind of things for a little while as I know there is no point stressing about what could or could not happen!

TWO WEEKS ON
Lucky for me I’ve been flat out flying all over the countryside so I haven’t had too much time to stress over what might or might not happen! Although in between my big days flying I did manage to read most of the book “What to expect when you’re expecting”, it was actually a great book and helped to calm my nerves for a minute of two.

So after spending the first week stressing over what was the perfect diet and what I should and shouldn’t be doing training wise I’ve realised that I’m better of just making a few little changes to my current habits and stop stressing about everything, as most new Mum’s wouldn’t even now they were pregnant yet and here I am trying to follow the perfect pregnancy plan, not that such a thing exists. So I’ve decided that the only real changes that I need to make for now is a reduction in my Splenda consumption as I seemed to be overdosing on artificial sweeteners. Plus I’ve reduced my caffeine intake; I’ve actually gone off coffee so that hasn’t been too bad and just replaced normal tea with a cup of decaf if I feel like it. I’ve also had to change my breakie to Oats and Cottage Cheese rather than Oats and Protein Powder as I’ve read that there is most probably to many additives and extras in the Protein Powder that I just don’t need right now. I am finding it hard though especially when stuck on the aircraft or in hotel rooms to find the best food options as I used to frequently buy deli meat or cold chicken and had quite a high protein low carb diet, which works for me, although now I’m not only thinking about me but someone else, I know some good fruit and healthy carbs will be great for my little growing bundle! So I’m incorporating some extra fruit and a few more healthy carbs, plus a bit more calcium and red meat. So really it’s all quite positive as it’s got me eating a bigger range of food again although I must say I’m not feeling quite as trim as I’m used to. You see I found out I was pregnant just after the New Year I was all set to train hard and eat lean for a couple of months to get rid of the Chrissy pudge, although dieting and being pregnant just isn’t meant to be. It’s also hard as for years now I have always been so conscious of what I have eaten and have had to eat well and train hard to stay in good shape, so now to eat “normally” is really a bit harder than it sounds, but I’m getting there.

So at the moment I’m dealing with the thoughts of wondering if I really am still pregnant, you’d think it would have sunk in by now but I just don’t feel that much different and as I still haven’t had a scan yet it just doesn’t feel quite real. I have had the odd day of extreme tiredness and today is one of them. I’m sitting here typing just struggling to keep my eyelids open, I’m not sure if this is just me or being pregnant. Oh nearly forgot, I just can’t stop peeing, it’s actually quite bad as I look like a toilet freak on the aircraft and I still can’t tell anyone so they must think I have a bladder problem.

I’ve also had a strange experience at the hairdresser yesterday. After stressing over whether to dye my hair or not I decided to take the plunge and get it done. So I decided to confide in my hairdresser as I assumed they would know best. Although it didn’t seem to change anything and they went ahead and did my usual regrowth although I also wanted a few foils, so I got a few light ones and a few dark ones, well the dark ones are black which looks a bit odd next to really blonde hair! I don’t know whether it was the hairdresser or my hormones but I’m not doing any experimenting on my head for the rest of this pregnancy!

So another week and a half before I’m home again and then I should be ready for my dating scan! I’m just hanging to get to the 12 week mark and feel a bit more secure about everything as right now I still worry that it’s not real and I so want it to be. Hopefully as more time passes I’ll get comfy with the idea and be able to jump around with Joy.

Oh nearly forgot, it’s already started – The ADVISE, from every mother out there who all know what is best for you and start making bids on what you are going to have. Oh my god I don’t know if I can deal with 9 months of that!

NEARLY HOME!

Well another week has passed and I’m just amazed at how much a body can change in just one week! I’ve been really busy flying all over the country side as I’m just trying to do as much work as I can, while I can. In the last week my pregnancy has definitely started to FEEL REAL. For one my boobs have already grown, must say I don’t mind that too much! But what has made it seem all the more real is a lovely thing called “morning sickness”. Here I was stressing that maybe I wasn’t really pregnant as I didn’t feel pregnant well how that has changes. About three days ago I woke up and just felt sick, not quite enough to want to throw up but enough to make you feel nauseous, and it’s not just the morning it seems to last all day. I’ve found it hard to cope with as I’m normally such an active person in the mornings and now I can’t seem to get out of bed without eating a dry cracker! So I’ve gone from eating really well to eating in bed, oh my god what’s next! So at the moment I seem to survive by eating a lot more starchy carbs in the way of vita weet and have strangely gone of so many of my normal foods. I wasn’t expecting any cravings yet but I definitely have found so many food aversions. It seems like everything I used to eat kinda repulses me now. Just the thought of a tuna salad is enough to make my stomach turn, plus I used to LOVE, I mean really love nuts and I can’t seem to tolerate them at the moment. I’m craving all the foods I don’t normally eat a lot of, like plain old starchy carbs and fruit! Don’t seem to have too much of a sweet tooth and could just live on eggs on toast at the moment.
I’m finding it a bit tricky at the moment as I’m away on my first trip since the morning sickness hit and all the usual foods I’d take just don’t seem to cut it! It was also a bit tricky this morning as I had to get up at 3am and was working in business class, feeling quite queasy although at this early stage no one knows, so I had to pretend all was fine when inside I felt on the verge of running to the loo! So at the moment I’ve had to incorporate lots of frequent snacks, which isn’t a bad thing although instead of being protein based at the moment they are tending to be vita weet based, lol. So I’m trying to not weaken to cravings but have some healthy alternatives which still make me feel ok. So my diet is a lot different to how I normally eat but at the moment the goal is to not throw up! I’m also so very tired, obviously a lot of stuff is going on in this body of mine coz I’m not doing too much and all I wanna do is sleep.

Also I’ve found the whole pregnancy timetable and doctors appointments so very confusing. For a new mum you can feel really lost and quite confused. As I don’t have a “regular” doctor I have been referred on to the public hospital although to begin with my next scan is at the private hospital, so I was left unsure whether I had been referred as private or public? I seem to have it sorted now and have discovered that for my dating scan and until I have seen the obstetrician at the Public hospital I have to pay for and go through the private hospital although as soon as I have my first appointment at the public hospital they will organise everything through there. So in less than a week now I’ll have my first scan and actually find out how pregnant I am, I’m guessing I’m about 7 weeks along but can’t wait to actually know for sure!

Anyway time for me to find some energy from somewhere and hit the gym! Gotta work off some of these crackers, he, he!

THE SCAN
Oh how things can change in just a week. I’ve gone from being so excited to living in a world of uncertainty. On Tuesday I arrived home after three long weeks away, it was so good to see my hubby and just know I didn’t have to go anywhere for a whole week! Since returning home I’m been quite sick and living on toast and crackers, not the most nutritious or healthy diet in the world but it seems to be all I can stomach. So I’m feeling a bit worse for wear as my usual training schedule is gone out the window, this week I have managed a Jog, Weights and a Powerwalk, Spin Class & another Powerwalk, which is nothing compared to my usual activity especially considering the amount of bread I have been eating, oh well the goal is just to feel ok at this point.

So anyway since being home I’ve been hanging out to get my scan done, which was booked in for Friday morning. So all week I’ve been patiently waiting to have the scan done as I just wanted some reassurance that everything was ok and to find out how far along I am. So Cam took the morning off and came with me, I was so very excited at first as everything looked good, I’m 7 weeks pregnant and we could even see it’s little heart beating away although it wasn’t long before we noticed it wasn’t beating quite as it should. It was quite irregular and it turns out that it has a slow heart beat. So I left feeling quite devastated and confused, not really sure what it all meant! So after some research I discovered that a slow heart rate isn’t a good thing at all! At the moment the fetal heart rate is at the point where it is highly likely I could miscarry! So my world is a little bit upside down at the moment, I’m still pregnant but wondering how long for. I know I need to be positive but it’s so hard when the odds are stacked against you. I’ve been told to keep busy and try not to think about it too much, how is that even possible! I know I’m sick of crying and really the only thing I can do is to be positive but I just don’t know how. So I’m booked in for another scan in 7-10 days to see what’s happening. The bad news is I’ll most probably have to wait more like 2 weeks as I’m off on a 6 day trip on Friday and it would be too early to have the scan before I go, at least when I’m working I’ll be busy and have little time to think about it all. The good news is at this point I still feel pregnant and have no bleeding so I’m still hopeful, I was a little fighter born 12 weeks premature so maybe I’ve just got a little fighter inside of me, I can only hope!

SICK & TIRED
This is my life at the moment! Sick & tired, I wake up and I feel sick, I eat something I feel sick, I don’t eat I feel even more sick. Doesn’t seem to matter what I do I don’t feel good! Some days are better than others but generally I just feel like crap all day, I have about a ¼ of the energy I’m used to and just struggling to do any of my normal activities. Yesterday I managed to go to the gym and do weights and a pathetic 30 min jog followed by 15 minute walk, the whole time feeling average, not my usual euphoria I get when exercising! So yesterday was quite proactive and I cleaned, cooked and managed to cope ok, whereas today has been a different story. I woke up felt like crap, ate some Weetbix (can’t even cope with my beloved oats), put gym gear on psyching myself for the gym, breakfast didn’t go down to well, felt worse and crawled back into bed. Couldn’t sleep as phone kept ringing so got up still felt like crap, managed to motivate myself to go for a walk, not a very fast walk but at least I was moving. The rest of the day revolved around trying to find something I could stomach, salada with promite seemed ok! Followed by constantly crawling back into bed! I just don’t know how much longer I can cope with this; I’m so used to being so full of energy and training hard and eating well to going to a Salada eating sloth! On a positive note I made a Dr Appointment for tomorrow as I just couldn’t cope with the worrying any longer. The thought of going away for a week and spending it either on the aircraft or in hotel rooms with the thought I might miscarry was doing my head in! I just need to talk to someone so tomorrow is the Dr Appointment; I just need to hear where things are at. As I don’t want to be negative and so hope that this little bubby of mine is just a slow starter but at the same time I think I’m preparing myself for the worst as I can’t keep getting excited and working myself up over what may or may not happen. So I’m trying to get on with things but it’s a little hard when all you can think about it this little thing growing inside of you which you wish so much turns into a beautiful healthy baby. I really realise now what a true miracle every baby that comes into this world really is! So if me being sick and tired helps this bubby grow I’m happy to be sick and tired for as long as it takes!

THE ROLLERCOSTER CONTINUES
Yesterday I had my Dr Appointment which turned out not to be the best thing. We had a chat which was great and she told me that it was quite possible the baby’s heart beat would pick up and it didn’t necessarily mean I was certain to miscarry. Although then she tried to find the baby’s heartbeat on her little ultrasound machine. It was so horrible watching her trying to find any sign of a heartbeat but I could just tell it wasn’t going to happen. She said everything else looked good and as I am still feeling sick you never know as the proper ultrasound I have booked for today might show up more. Although I knew that it wasn’t a great sign and we talked about miscarriage and my different options if a heartbeat wasn’t found. It’s horrible I feel like I’m kinda giving up before knowing but I just can’t cope with the uncertainty anymore. I’m really starting to believe too much knowledge isn’t a good thing, if I didn’t know I was pregnant and had seen the heartbeat I think I would be coping a bit better but knowing you might miscarry is pure torture especially when Cam & I are both so excited. So anyway I’m about to head of to my ultrasound appointment now and at least I will know for sure what is happening as I just can’t cope with this waiting! The bad thing is that I’m not feeling half as sick today and I think I know what the ultrasound will show before I even go!

CLOSURE
Well it might not be good but it’s just good to stop worrying as the uncertainty and worry was killing me, my life for the last couple of weeks has been a nightmare and today I have closure. As mentioned I had my scan and as I was expecting there was no heartbeat and I was due to miscarry. I’m so glad that I had Cam with me as the ultrasound man wasn’t the best people person and it wasn’t something I wanted to go through alone. So even though I was expecting it you still can’t prepare yourself for the loss you feel and the sadness. Cam has been wonderful and spent the afternoon cheering me up over Very Vanilla Chillers at Gloria Jeans! So I’ve had moments where I feel ok and others where I just get sad and teary all over again. I’ve had to call in sick for work as nature hasn’t even started to take its course and I have no signs of miscarriage, if it wasn’t for the scan you would think I was still pregnant. I’ve had no cramps, no spotting and the only reason I know that things are different is that I’m not feeling totally ill like I have for the past couple of weeks. So I have to decide tomorrow whether to let nature take its course (which can take weeks) or speed things along. I’m meeting with the Dr in the morning to discuss all options. So in a way I am relieved as I just don’t think I could cope with the stress and worry for too much longer, obviously I feel great loss but I also know that things happen for a reason and obviously this little one wasn’t meant to be. At least I know I can get pregnant and it is definitely something that Cam and I really want but now is obviously just not the right time.

So for me now I just need a bit more time to feel “normal” again! Eat well, sleep, exercise and just get my head right (and maybe cry just a little bit more)

It’s a bit sad as originally this journal was meant to be all about my journey to becoming a Mum and was to be published once I reached 12 weeks although life isn’t always as expected and as such I have decided to still publish my journey. If I can help just one other woman realise how very common this is and that it is really out of our hands and not to feel guilty for one minute then my story is worth it.

I’ll be back when I’m feeling a bit better......................

Take Care, love life and enjoy every minute! Love Hilds

ALL OR NOTHING!

That's the way life seems to be at the moment! Either flat out or not much going on and the last week has been crazy! I started a 6 day trip flying all over the place, it had big days, most days about 9 1/2 hours and that doesn't include transport to and from the airport. So to say I was buggered was an understatement. Most days I only got to see outside when leaving the hotel and getting out at the airport, which is a bit sad but considering all my work for the month was done in 8 days this month, I shouldn't really complain. Anyway it seems whenever I'm away living my flight attendant life, the Online Trainer side of things seems to get really busy, which is awesome, but left me a little weary last week. I did still manage to get in a training session every second day but a lot less than I usually like to do!

So after a six day trip I'm usually feeling a bit average due to not enough sleep, training or good food. So yesterday I started the revamp and spend three hours at the hairdresser, which is actually a bit of an effort for me considering I'm not very good at sitting around. By the end of it I was starving and hanging to get home although all worth it as the horror regrowth has gone.

Anyway I stayed up in Cairns yesterday as I was trying to get some more flying work this weekend and lucky enough I did! So today I'm off to Perth, just have to sit on my bum all day as I'm paxing over (going as a passenger) and then work Sat, Sun and pax back home, not bad!

So it looks like 2009 is off to a great start. I'm on a mission to clear some credit card debt and as such more than happy to work my butt off.

Anyway time to get ready for work, have a fabulous day!

Hilds

What is my body doing?????

The boys playing games! (Damo, Steve & Cam)

A couple of pics from Sat night (me & the Birthday girl, Nene)

Well another day and I'm still feeling average, it's like I've got constant heartburn even when I haven't really eaten much. It's really strange as it hurts to just move and I seem to be peeing every 5 minutes although drinking less than usual. So I haven't done any training today as I just couldn't imagine picking up a weight or running as it's hard just to walk around today. I'm hoping after a day of rest and little plain food I should be all good. Although I am in the process of tracking down a good naturopath so I can really start to get to the bottom of my body issues, it was reassuring to know I'm not alone in the irregular period issue although it's time for me to stop complaining and just get to the bottom of it all!

I've got a busy week of stuff planned so will just have to cram it into more days as I'm not doing much at all today. We have our one year wedding anniversary on Wednesday so we are going out for Thai food and I've also got a copy of our beach wedding video and put it on to dvd so we can watch it, Cam hasn't seen it, so it should be fun and bring back all of the good memories. On Thursday I'm heading up to Cairns, well hopefully as long as the airport isn't rained in. I've organised an inspection of our house in Cairns as well. It should be interesting to see what state it is in and how run down it's all looking. Then on Friday I'm off on a 6 day trip for work, it's a pretty busy one with lots of flights, I think I have one night in Perth and the other four in Melbourne, the good thing is that I only have 1 or 2 super early starts so I should be able to sqeeze in a workout before I fly out each day.

So today I'm sorting through piles of cd's and dvd's that I have laying around with absolutley no idea of what is on them, plus I've got to get the venue finalised for our School Reunion and start inviting everyone.

Anyway sorry pretty boring today! Hope everyone is having a much more exciting day!

Love Hilds

HEARTBURN

It seems that the only downside to eating well most of the time is that when it comes to enjoying a few treats my body reacts badly! Last night we had friends over for drinks and nibbles, it was a great night, finishing off with a very funny game of celebrity heads.

Anyway back to my treat issue! I had made lots of healthy snacks last night as I'm sick of just having chips and cheese as the only options. So I had made a yummy Tuna, cottage cheese and sweet chill dip plus my favourite Vietnamese cold rolls and chicken satays. So nibbles were pretty good although I did indulge in a few too many vodka's and saved my big treat for some carrot and mud cake, although after having some cake on top of my drinks I was left with severe heartburn and couldn't sleep all night! It's so frustrating as I really wanted to enjoy my cake but it seems my body just didn't want it as much as my mind did. So I had a crap night sleep and still today seem to be suffering from heart burn and I've been back on track, eating well all day! Not sure if it's my body just getting a bit more sensitive or what, but just shows that I really can't eat much crap anymore.

So today is just a chill out day, finally taking it easy and having a whole day off training. It's perfect weather for relaxing as it seems to be constantly raining this weekend. So I'm looking forward to feeling 100% rested tomorrow and full of energy for another awesome week of training. I'm hoping to clean up my nutrition even more next week as I seem to be making slow gradual progress but just want to crank things up a notch!

Hope everyone is having a nice relaxing Sunday!

PEOPLE WATCHING

Yes, if you didn't know I'm a bit of a people watcher. I just love going out for coffee with my hubby and watching all the people wander by, it's just so amazing how different everyone is.

Today I actually took a minute or two to have a look around the gym. Normally I don't notice anyone and am in my little zone! Anyway it was rather interesting and quite amazing to see such a variety of individuals all in the one area all working towards their own little goals. There was the normal "big blokes" lifting heavy, grunting and watching their muscles in the mirror, the "rough boys", remember I'm in Mackay so a few bikie looking, bandanna wearing blokes, the "pretty girls", the women I see who look just pristine, not a drop of sweat, co-ordinated clothing and quite trim looking, the "Mums", there to work out a bit but also catch up for a chat. I think I even saw a man who looked like he was in his 70's, and then there is the ones who I love seeing the most, the quite large (or you could say overweight) individuals who have been brave enough to step foot in this unique environment and make a start to getting healthier and feeling great! I know for someone who has never been to a gym before it can be very very daunting and I just love it when I see new people getting in there and giving it a go. It's funny I even get a bit funny about going back to the gym if I'm feeling a bit out of shape after holidays so for anyone with lots of weight to lose I think it is just awesome that they are there. And what's funny is that most people are so into their own thing and too pre-occupied with what they are doing to even care who else is there. Anyway that's just my little observation this morning as it seems the gym gets quite busy these time of year with all of the "New Year Get Fit" people, quite frustrating for me as it means it's busier but good on them for getting started, I just hope they keep it up.

This morning I also caught up with the gym owner as for a while now myself and the a few other Spin regulars have been so frustrated at paying an extra $5 per class for Spin when everything else in the gym is included (except Spin). I just find this amazing as no other gym I know charges extra for spin. Cam & I worked out that it was costing us $50 a week just to go to the gym. Don't get me wrong I love my health & Fitness but it gets so frustrating sometimes when it all costs so bloody much, between gym, good food and supplements it seems we are working to just to stay fit and healthy. So I had a chat to the owner and the good news is it looks like it might be reduced. It was a bit annoying that it was me who had to mention something though as everyone else whinges and no one says anything and I used to work there and doesn't look too good coming from me, anyway done now and hopefully will be reduced so I can go back to 3 x Spin Classes, yehaa!

So it's lunch time and I'm still sitting here in my sweaty gym stuff, it always seems like such an effort to shower and wash and dry the hair after the gym, sometimes I wish I had super short hair which took 5 minutes to get ready, not a stupid mop of curly out of control hair!

Anyway time to do the shower thing!

CARBS & HORMONES

It seems there is so much talk about whether to have carbs or not too, what level is good, how many carbs is too much? One big thing I have learnt over the last few years is that everyone is so individual and what suits one doesn't necesarily suit another. I absolutley hate it when someone tells someone else what they should do! It's so important to find out what works for your body and find something that works for you.

I'm one of those people who seems to have a real issue with too many carbs, I just bloat up like a balloon and feel like crap. This year I'm trying to get down a few kg's and stay there all year, but my ultimate goal is to do it sensibly! So I've been trying a bit of a carb cycle routine, I'm alternating between 3 days mod carb (about 70g, 1200 - 1300 cals) and 1 day high carb (about 150g, 1600-1800 cals). Yesterday was my high carb day and I was so looking forward to it although I felt worse than I had all week, it actually just made me more hungry and felt like crap and it was all good carbs (oats, sweet potato & brown rice), the only bonus was I seemed to have a bit more energy during my Spin class this morning! I think for me 70g carbs a day is heaps, even less seems to work ok, as long as I can have my oats in the morning I seem to be happy! I actually prefer having a few more good fats included rather than more good starchy carbs. Anyway I'll give it until Monday and see how I feel at the end of a whole week but I don't even feel a smidgen better than when I started, but not going to make any judgements just yet. I do get very frustrated as my body just doesn't seem to respond too well! It takes me eating super low carb and heaps of cardio for me to seem to get anywhere close to being lean.

I'm not sure whether it's my hormones being out of whack as since I've been off the pill (1 year now), I've had about 4 periods! I keep feeling like they are going to come, get bloated and start to get excited that they might be coming but never seems to happen, kinda like having PMS all the time but no end in sight. So my focus is to get this body of mine sorted! Although where to start is a bit unknown, I'm not that keen of Doctors as they just tend to hand out drugs and it's not fixing the problem at all just treating the symptoms.

So as much as I keep thinking about competing this year I really really need to get my body sorted, especially if I want to have a baby in the near future. Does anyone else out there have very irregular periods? Most friends of mine are all like clockwork and can't understand why mine aren't! Anyway no point whinging about it, just got to get to the bottom of it.

Anyway better get motivated, todays goal is to get our place looking spick and span as I've been neglecting cleaning big time, I'm definatly not a very good housewife!

Have a great day everyone! Cheers, Hilds

Off to a good start!

So far 2009 is off to a good start! I'm home for over a week so I can actually have a bit of a routine, yeeha! I've been up early each day and have been hitting the gym, this morning was my first Spin Class for the year & I loved it. Although I must say it was pretty damm hard after a few weeks of no spin and today was supposedly an easy class.

I've been back on track with my nutrition although I always find I'm ravenous all day after a good spin class. I can go for an hour run and not get half as hungry as I do after Spin, anyway I've survived the day and hanging out for tomorrow which is mod/high carb day, mmmm more oats! Its sad when you hang out for more oats, I think my breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, Oats and Evolve Chocolate Slow whey, yumm.

Anyway I'm on a bit of a mission to shed a few kilos that have crept on over the festive season. So I've put a plan in place and now I just need to stick to it! I'll check in on Saturday and see how I've been going, I don't like jumping on the scales more than once a week.

Things are busy this week, I'm on a mission to get my School Reunion sorted. Don't really know what I got myself into but I knew it would never happen if I didn't organise it. So I'm trying to organise a Reunion in Adelaide for late March! So not a great deal of time for me to get my shit together and get as many people as possible together, can't wait, it's going to be so much fun. I'm also busy with the Get Active Online as everyone wants to get into shape after Chrissy and New Years seems to be the best time to start.

I also want to do a bit of a Spring Clean this week although it seems to be last on the list for things that I want to do!

Anyway time to put the computer away and chillout for a bit before an early night!

Cheers, Hilds

The year that was!

And the absolute highlight! Our Wedding - Bamboo Island, Thailand

2008 has been filled with many extremes, some absolute highs and some real lows. I must say I'm looking forward to 2009 and so very very excited about what it will bring!

The highlights of 2008 were:

Number 1 - Getting married in January, 26 close friends and family all made the trek to Thailand to share our most special day! Although it wasn't just a day but two weeks of lots of fun, sun, drinking, great food and excellent company!

Number 2 - Finally following my dream and starting our own online Personal Training business. My wonderful husband showed me that anything is possible if you want it badly enough and I'm so grateful to have someone support me in all my crazy ideas.



Number 3 - Stepping on stage in Sportsmodel catergory at the INBA All Female Show. This was such a personal and enpowering achievment. Years ago I would have never ever dreamed of stepping on stage in bikinis. Again it just proves if you want something badly enough it can and will happen.

So what's in store for 2009? Well no body really knows what life will throw at you but it is all one big adventure. Here are a few of the things that I plan to acheive this year!

Continue to build and grow Get Active Online. The rewards of helping others feeling better about themselves is unbelievable, I get just as much from it as my clients!


Move back to the place I love - Cairns!


Setup our own Personal Training Studio. Our house in Cairns is an ideal design to incorporate a Studio and we will focus on this in the second half of the year.


Continue to stay fit & healthy! Focussing on year round consitency. Learn to appreciate my body and what it can do. Achieve and maintain a few kilos below my "set" point that I have been stuck at for the past few years. Believe you can and you will!

Have heaps of fun! Not just on holidays or weekends but every single day. Cherish my husband, family and friends, appreciate the small things. Life is now!


There's lots of other things that I have instore for 2009 but really I just want to enjoy every moment, not when I reach a goal, or get to a certain weight or once we go on holidays, but live every single day, enjoy what we have now!


So here's to an awesome 2009, I'm excited and can't wait to get stuck into things. I hope everyone else is off to a fantastic start and has lots of positive things to look forward to in 2009.

Back into it!

Couple of pics from Chissy in Cairns, the view from our room!

It's so good to be home, even though I'm off again tomorrow it is only a short trip and will be back on the weekend!


Had a very lazy day on Sunday, didn't do much at all besides my big jog in the morning. The rest of the day was spend veging out with my lovely hubby.


This week has seen me get back into the swing of things. I'm on a bit of a mission to shed a few kg & cm's before my School Reunion in March. I've worked out that I seem to function so much better when I have a goal or a deadline. For me just plodding along doesn't seem to work, I'm definatly a goal oriented person!


So I've set myself a few goals and put a plan in place, now all I need to do is consistently do it!!!!!!


I've noticed over the past few years that my body seems to have a "set point", a happy place that it likes to stay. I can get rid of a few kilos but I always seem to end up back at my comfy place. It's not a bad place but my goal is to reduce my body fat a bit and stay there! I'm not sure whether it is a subconscious thing that we make ourselves get back to the place that we have always been or it really is just where my body likes to be? Regardless I'm going to change it, 2009 is the year that I will get & stay just where I want to be.


So yesterday was spot on and it all seems easy I just wish everyday was like that. I did Chest & Back weights, my 30 min Tempo Run, 10 min incline treadmill & a nice 50min powerwalk in the arvo. Food was all spot on and enjoyed every meal!


Today is a different story, went for my 10km jog followed by a big powerwalk on the beach with a girlfriend (buggered after that, so humid up here). Food has been good today although as the afternoon has hit, i'm starving! I always find it hard when I spend the day in the office but today I've been fighting off the cravings big time. Happy to report still on track and blogging to keep me occupied.


Anyway will keep you updated on how I go on my little journey. Bring on 2009 and all the adventures it is sure to bring.


Love, Hilds

Living at the airport!

Sometimes I think I may as well live at the airport! Here I am just hanging out again. Although I think it's my own fault, I flew from Sydney to Melbourne to Cairns today and had booked myself on a flight from Cairns to Mackay as soon as we were due to land. I was going to be pushing it to make it if all went well and as usual when you want something badbly every bloody obstacle just seems to pop up. Firstly we didn't have enough crew out of Sydney, so late leaving. Then had too many passengers booked out of Melbourne, late leaving! So my changes of getting my flight were looking slim, so secretly I was hoping that my Mackay flight would be delayed and I would make it! Well my wish came true, I have a boarding pass but the plane isn't looking too healthy and we are delayed and hopefully might leave about 2pm were due out about 12:30pm. Anyway I'm just stoked that I might actually get home today. I'm craving just having a routine for a few days, having a stove, making my egg white omlettes, having fresh vegies, oh the simple things!!!!!

I can't believe how much I don't even want a drink or any sweets, strangely I don't think you could force me to have one! I was really organised and bought lots of turkey yesterday to bring on the plane with me and guess who left it in the mini bar fridge, oh how annoying. So I've still survived and managed to make do, lots of boring lettuce leaves, a couple of prawns and a bit of chicken. It's funny when your in the mode that you just don't want to ruin it by eating whatever is around. I could have easily used today as an excuse not to eat well but you really can make do if you need to, I've still got a can of tuna in my bag in case I'm stuck here for a bit longer.

So all is going well, not feeling great yet but I can slowly feel the energy coming back and hanging to go for a big run in the morning and a powerwalk in the arvo.

Thanks for your comments Magda and Lia, it's so nice to be reminded that your normal!

Have a great day!

Hilds

I'M FEELING A BIT LIKE SANTA!

I might even look a bit like Santa, he he! So where have I been? Too much to even remember but most recently I've been enjoying Chrissy and living the high life! This year I had to work on Chrissy Day so we decided to celebrate Chrissy a little bit early. So we spend a few nights in a gorgeous apartment overlooking the Marina in Cairns, it was great! Mainly because I got to see my hubby after a couple of weeks of travelling all over the place. In the last 3 1/2 weeks I've been home for a big three nights which were all filled with Christmas functions. I'm still away.... currently in Sydney and heading back to Cairns tomorrow and hopefully just make the last flight back to Mackay otherwise it looks like another week until I'll be home.......

Up until a week ago I was feeling great and had managed to keep up a good level of exercise and had a nice balance with my nutrition. What's amazing is how quickly things can change!!!!!!! Yesterday after a week of too many vodkas and too much christmas cheer I was feeling a little, no make that a lot worse for wear. I decided to have a week of just relaxing with my food and training, which turned into a week of way too many sweets and not enough training (only did nothing for 2 days, but for me that is two days too long). I know! I should know better than anyone that my body can't handle deviating from good nutrition for more than two days or I just bloat up like a balloon.

Today I'm back on the good stuff, lots of chicken, fish, greens and plenty of water. I got to Sydney about 10am this morning, checked in to my hotel room and put the training clothes on before I even had a chance to let the mind games begin, 10km later I was feeling a lot better. It made it easier that the treadmill I was on was overlooking rushcutters bay in Sydney and I could see all of the yachts in the bay!

What has been good about feeling like a beached whale, he he (what can be good about that?), well I just appreciate so much more how much I LOVE FEELING FIT AND HEALTHY! When I eat crap I feel lethargic, tired & get grumpy, I can't believe that so many people feel like this all the time, if only they knew how good you can feel by eating well.

So the good news is I'm back on track and already feeling better again. I hope everyone else had a fantastic Chrissy and enjoyed a few treats without going overboard!

Well Done Cassie!!!!!

Cassie & her daughter Lauren

Ok so I've been missing in action for a while. It's always the way when you're not feeling good I avoid blogging, don't want to bore everyone with my complaining!

I've still been sick and just finding it imposible to kick! As soon as I start to feel good and start doing stuff then next day I end up feeling like crap, I'M OVER IT!!! I can't remember ever being out of action for this long.......... So I'm feeling fat, frumpy and BORED!!!! I'm so hopeless at relaxing and just get so down, I can't describe how much I rely on my exercise to kick in my happy hormones!!!! Anyway on a positive note I'm feeling a bit better tonight and hopefully will be over it by tomorrow. I better be as I'm off to Cairns for a work trip this weekend, I'm hanging to get back to work and training!!!!!! I just want some energy again!

So other than being a misery guts! I've been helping one of my bestest friends feel fantastic and get organised for her photo shoot! My school friend Cassie has managed to completley transform her lifestyle over the last 12 weeks. She's a Mum of three who has little time for herself since her hubby works away. So for her to take some time out for her and exercise and look after herself as changed her outlook completly. I'm amazed at what Cass has done, not only physically but she has finally got her confidence back. I'm so proud of her, well done Cass! I've attached some pics above which were taken at my Dad's Photo Studio (Peter Franz Photography). I'm a bit bummed as I was suppose to be in Adelaide (with work) just in time for the shoot although as I'm sick and I missed my trip (yes I'm having a bummer of a week!). Anyway they had a ball and got some great shots.

Well enough rambling and complaining for one post! I'll be back when I'm feeling a bit better about things!!!!!!

Sick again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm home for a couple of days but unfortunatley I've got a cold! I'm so bloody frustrated as in past years I have only got sick maybe once but this year I seem to be sick all the time!!!! I think commuting for work and trying to do to much while I'm away is taking it's toll, plus the serious lack on sleep. I got home on Tuesday after not sleeping for 24 hours and feeling a bit worse for wear!

My hubby went to the gym this morning to do Spin class and I was so annoyed I couldn't go! I haven't trained for nearly a week, which is just unheard of for me, but I'm struggling to make it to the shops to get some washing powder so I think training is out of the question. It's so annoying as my mind is ready to go and I'm keen to get stuck into some serious training although the body doesn't want to play! I have managed to eat really well which is one good thing.

So I'm home until Sunday arvo and then I'm up to Cairns to fly throughout the night to Perth and have a five day trip, night in Perth, night in Adelaide and night in Brissie. I'm catching up with my friend in Adelaide and heading to Dad's studio to get some after pics of her as she has just finished a 12 Week Challenge! So I've got a couple of days to get better before I head off again. After my next 5 day trip I have one day off in Cairns and then a Canberra overnight and then I've got 2 glorious weeks at home. I can't describe how much I'm craving routine, just to be able to get up at the same time each day and hit the gym, have a fridge to put my food in and be able to eat lots of fresh vegies. Oh how we miss the simple things.

Anyway I'm sure you've heard enough of me whinging, I'm going to focus on some serious rest and get this body of mine back in shape!!!!

All over the place!

Well I'm feeling a bit weary today, I think it all hits you when you stop! I feel like I've been everywhere this week!

Last Sunday I flew to Adelaide to hang out with the family for a few days. I managed to spend a night with my little sis, a night with my big sis and a night with Mum & Dad. It was so good to see everyone again, although as I speak to them every couple of days it always feels like I've just seen them. I managed to get in a few good runs while I was away, I just love exploring new tracks and running in different spots. My little sis lives near a big bush park which has a lots of fantastic walks. So I decided to go for a run up torture hill and yes it was torture, I'm glad I took a little map with me as I nearly got lost as it all started to look the same (I'm not the best navigator!). I also went to an RPM class at their local gym and it was really interesting to see how different instructors run a class. The instructor decided she didn't want the aircon on and that everyone would just need to sweat it out! I felt really sorry for a couple of girls in the class as it was their first one and it didn't look like they would be back!

My older sister lives in the Adelaide hills out on the dirt roads so I used it as another opportunity to go for a run although I forgot just how many hills there are! Also I'm not really used to the cold in the morning, it was so foggy and I my legs felt numb half the time although I did get to see lots of Kangaroos and cows! Althoug I don't think I could live down there again, I just love the Sunshine too much.

I also got to spend a day hanging out with Dad helping him put together his business plan for his new business. Dad and my little sister have set up a Gallery in Lyndoch (Barossa Valley) and Dad is also into Photography and has set up his own studio and will be doing portrait work. So after a day of non-stop and a ideas we were both a bit brain dead! I don't think Dad knew what had hit him, with my million and one questions, the Sales & Marketing side of me came out in full force.

Then it was up super early on Wednesday to head back up to Cairns. It seemed to take all day to get back and I was glad to feel the warm sunshine again. Thursday I had to work (fly) and had another early start, up at 3am! Stayed with one of my best friends in Cairns and got to spend lots of time catching up which was great!

Yesterday I had a day off in Cairns and went for a big run to the beach and also a nice powerwalk up my favourite hill near our house in Cairns! It actually made me so home sick and I'm just hanging to get back to Cairns, I just love it up there and it's torture spending a few days up there each month although not being able to stay. I also had lunch with my buddy Paul on Friday and then an afternoon shopping, if I'd managed to sit by the pool for a bit it would have been the perfect day although just run out of time!

It was up early again this morning, a bit of a sleep in only had to get up at 4am! I've ended up in Sydney and I've struggled to get out of my room. I had these grand plans to hit the gym but I'm just so buggered. I've got another early start tomorrow, not too bad though only about 5am.

So that's been my week, all over the place and now I'm ready to go home, only 3 more days to go! Anyway I better get my butt out of this hotel room and go for a wander to the shops and hunt down some food, I'm hungry!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!

Yeah it's Friday!!!!

I'm so glad it's Friday as this week just seems to be going forever!!!!! I've had some big ups and some big downs this week! I've been struggling a bit, too much time on my hands and a little bit lost as what to do!

At the moment I'm living in Mackay although hanging to get back to Cairns and all my friends! Don't get me wrong I've made some great friends here but it just isn't the same and I also want to get back into our house in Cairns and get our personal training studio set up. So this week with too much time to think I got a bit down! You'd think anyone would love lots of time to just do nothing, but for me that is torture, I'm so much happier when I have a goal and my life is flat out! Whereas at the moment I don't really have any set goals and just feel a little lost!

I'm also not feeling as great about myself as I would like to, still struggling a bit with the whole "eating normal" thing post comp. I've been trying to be too strict and end up just not staying on track at all! I've been trying to eat too little for the amount of training I do and I end up tired, grumpy and hanging for sweets. So I've kicked myself up the bum and I'm back to eating more, and I can't believe what a difference it makes, just today I haven't been thinking about food all day because I've actually eaten what I should! It's strange the things we do! I know that I should be eating more and then I would easily be able to maintain it and end up actually losing fat, whereas I've been trying to be so restictive thinking that if I can just be really good for a week or two I'll be feeling fantastic again! It's so not healthy and not good for the mind either. It's frustrating that comp can lead to so many issues with food. Because you feel so fantastic when you step on stage and all you remember is what you ate in the lead up so you are forever trying to feel like that again and end up screwing up your eating habits!

I'm not saying that I've put on heaps of weight or out of control with my eating but I definatley haven't found that nice balance with food yet! I'm trying to focus on building some muscle at the moment, which I know will require me eating enough food as starving myself and building muscle don't really go hand in hand. So I've switched my routine around a bit this week and focussing more on the weights and cutting back on my running. I've actually loved doing my weights this week and have been super sore. I'm still struggling to walk after my leg session on Wednesday followed by a 1 hour spin class on Thursday and I've only managed a powerwalk today instead of a run as I'm just too sore! Also just wondering if anyone out there takes creatine? Do you get bloated from it, or is that the old stuff? My hubby takes it and seems fine (well sort of, he, he) but I've always been a bit cautious, scared I'll puff up!

Anyway to snap me out of my low mood I'm heading to Adealaide on Sunday to catch up with my two sisters and Mum & Dad and then up to Cairns on Wednesday to see some friends and do a few flights for work!

So that's my exciting week, rather depressing really (sorry). Anyway better get my butt in the shower, hubby will be home soon and we are going out for some drinks!

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

Love Hilds

What you can do if you believe in yourself!

I just love my job! Especially when you get clients who believe enough in themselves to completley transform not only their physical appearance but their mindset! Above are a couple of pictures of a client of mine - Alexia, who just finsihed her 12 week program. Not only does Alexia look fantastic but she now loves doing weights and actually enjoys going for a run. I can't describe how good it is to help someone truly change the way they see themselves.

I sometimes think we all tend to underestimate the power of the mind and how much the way we think & see ourselves can affect what we will achieve in life! As most of you would know it's not some secret miracle diet or a fancy training plan but believing in yourself enough to truly believe you can change. I find the ones who succeed in changing their pysical appearance do so because they change the way the way they think first! If you keep telling yourself you can't change, you won't! Anyway I just wanted to say a "BIG WELL DONE" to Alexia, she has achieved what she never thought was possible, simply by changing the way she see's herself (& a lot of hard work!)

Anyway better keep going, lots to do today. While I'm home I try and get as much stuff done for Get Active Online as I can as when I'm flying I don't get a chance to do to much. At the moment I'm just in the progress of getting our website updated as we have lots of exciting stuff happening!

Have a great day! Love Hilds

PUFFY!

That's how I'm feeling today, or maybe another word for it would be FAT! That's generally what happens after a weekend of eating crap! Yes a few treats turned into a whole weekend of treats, which doesn't really leave you feeling fantastic on Monday. You should have seen Cam & I last night, it was quite funny! After eating lots of yummy homemade Roasted Vegie Pizza, sounds kinda healthy but wasn't really, we could not sleep to save our lives. We went to bed about 10:30 knowing we had to get up at 5am to go to the gym, at 1:30am we were both still wide awake with super full bellies and feeling rather uncomfortable! It's amazing how much food affects you! It doesn't take more than a few days of crap food for me to actually want to eat well again. So I'm feeling sleepy, fat and very frustrated but moving forward and back onto the good food again. I went for a run before and got rained on but I wasn't letting a few rain drops stop me from trying to burn of at least half a slice of pizza (I've got a bit more running to do yet, he, he, he).

It's funny when I'm away I'm really good and not even tempted by a lot of treats but when I come home and the weekend hits it's always a struggle. It's because Cam & I have always used food as a way of relaxing and enjoying being home together, although always end up feeling worse for it afterwards. So this weekend we are going to try and slowly start to break the habit (yes, it's just a bad habit) and instead focus on doing things rather than eating!!!!!!

One thing I didn't do this morning is weigh myself, I'm still amazed at how many people have had a bad weekend, over indulged and still jump on the scale the next day, knowing full well that the number will have gone up and you will be holding a lot of extra fluid as well as a bit extra fat! I don't need a number to tell me I ate crap, I know I did & I also know what I need to do to feel good again, so why let a number ruin my day.

So anyway I'll keep you posted on how long it takes for me to feel back to "normal" again. I always say about three days but I'm curious to see how long it acutally takes.

Anyway better go do some work, enough procrastinating for one day!

MY APPETITE IS BACK!

I'm feeling better and of course my appetite is back and as such I had a few too many treats yesterday! I was just so happy I could eat again that I induldged in a few too many chocolate coated fruit and nuts (they're my favourite). I wasn't planning on having them but as usual when they are in the house I just couldn't resist them and once that packet is open I just can't stop, I did manage to put them away and make my hubby eat half just so I didn't feel as bad!

We are having friends over tonight for drinks and nibbles and I went out and bought everything ready for tonight, silly idea! As once it's all in the house it's just a little too tempting to have some especially since I hadn't been able to eat much all week.

After being on the couch for the last three days after having some energy back I went a little crazy! I went to the gym and had a great weight session plus did 20 mins on the treadclimber (couldn't quite manage running just yet). Then I met up with a friend for lunch and then hit the shops. Finally made it home about 4pm and then started a cleaning frenzy and couldn't stop until 10pm. It's amazing how much there is to do when you start, I cleaned the oven, windows, skirtings, started on the bathrooms and then it all got a bit hard and I had to go back to my Chocolate coated Nuts (he, he).

So the weekend is here, god I love the weekends and I'm about to hit the gym and work off a couple of these chocolate nuts. I wanted to go for a run outside but it's just way to windy down here at the beach and I don't think I would get very far running.

Anyway time to stop procrastinating better go as the gym isn't open for too much longer!