What a weekend!

Not quite as planned but a lot of stuff got sorted out this weekend. As you know I was hanging out to go and visit Cam and try and find our new home in Mackay.

So I got down Thursday arvo and finally saw Cam which was awesome! I spent Friday going around town checking everything out and went to all the gyms in town and had a sneak peak at what was available. By the end of Friday we had been approved on our first choice place to live. It was such a relief as I had my heart set on living at the Marina although our choices were limited, anyway we got an awesome Villa on the beach. So Friday night we celebrated and went out to dinner and even had a few drinks (all approved by Di!). So I was on a bit of a high on Friday. Although Saturday was a different story, overnight I had turned into this grumpy, moody depressed person. I was a bitch all day and really couldn't seem to snap myself out of it. I was ruining my only time with Cam for the next couple of weeks and was getting more frustrated by the minute as all I wanted to do was be settled in one place and just be happy. Although the more I thought about things the harder it all seemed.

The plan was while I was trying to compete, to stay in Cairns and keep all the furniture (gym stuff) so at least I had a base. As its hard enough trying to fit in an overseas trip each week and prepare all of my food and do my training without trying to stay at a friends house before and after trips. So I thought it was best to keep the house in Cairns until I competed. Although this meant that when Cam moved into the place in Mackay he would have no furniture (nothing) until October! It also meant I wouldn't see much of Cam and would mainly be living in Cairns by myself.

So after a very emotional day on Saturday I took some time to work out what was most important to me. Obviously it wasn't even a process as I new regardless of everything I just wanted to be where my partner is and start our new life together, not Cam in Mackay and me in Cairns!

So as hard as its been I have decided I will not be competing in October as I just know I cannot honestly put in 100%. There will be some weeks coming up when I will not be able to fit in all my training and I don't want to feel so guilty about it that it effects everything in my life. I am also changing employers in September and as such I have two weeks full time training in Melbourne in 2 weeks time, over this time I am in a hotel room and trying to cram as much study in as possible so I can pass. Also with my new employer I have a lot less control over my rosters and we have new flying patters so I don't even know where I will be flying or if I will get certain days of. So all of this has been stressing me out. I had always known that things were going to be hard and that I would deal with it as the time came. And I suppose that is what I am doing now. I never ever expected to be making this decision after my weekend with Cam as I have been feeling fantastic and noticing some good changes. Although at the end of the day my relationship, mental and physical health is the most important things to me. So I've had to tell myself I can't always do everything that I want.

So after a bit (that's an understatement!) of a binge on the weekend, I've pulled myself together and back into the training and eating well! It took Monday and Tuesday to get rid of those sugar cravings and get my motivation back. You forget how shit you feel after a binge session, it will take me at least this week to feel good again. But the good news is that my motivation is back and I'm just in Japan waiting for the gym to open so I can get an awesome cardio session out of the way.

So the removalist is booked for next Tuesday. I get back on Thursday from Japan and will be madly packing as I'm of to Japan again on Friday back on Sunday and have to have the house all packed up by Tuesday. Then I'm down to Mackay on Wednesday for my Birthday on Thursday (staying in our new place with absolutely no furniture) and then back to Cairns on Friday! Oh what a busy week, but at least I'm smiling about it now.

I nearly wasn't going to post this update as Its sometimes so easy to only post the positive things, although I feel so much better for getting it all of my chest.

Hope everyone is healthy and happy!

Love Hilds