Entertainment at the gym.........

There's many reason we all choose to go to the gym, I love the feeling I get AFTER a great workout. Some people love the different classes or just having some time out from the kids. Well I've discovered a new reason to go to the gym! Pure entertainment! Man I could just sit in the corner for hours and watch all of the funny little things that everyone does. Everyone seems to have their little habits or special routines they like to do. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, it's just some leave me feeling a little bewildered. There is this one lady who goes to my gym who insists on cranking the treadmill up on full incline and then at a running speed hangs on to the handles for dear life and runs. It's just the funniest thing to watch, it looks like her arms are going to snap off at any time! Anyway at least she's out there doing stuff (or maybe just out there!).

Anyway I'm loving my spin classes at the moment! I'm truly hooked, i just wish my gym had more on. I find it so much easier to really push myself in a class environment. My training has been going great, although today I woke up with a cold. Don't really know where it came from but have felt rotten all day. I'm not very good at being sick, so have been bored out of my head all day just hoping a good day of rest will help me to get back on track asap. I've been a good girl and haven't trained today. I still put my training gear on this morning and contemplated it for a good couple of hours, although after realising how much I was struggling to just walk around the house I figured going to the gym was a very bad idea.

I'm flying up to Cairns to start my next 6 day trip on Friday. It's a pretty cruisy trip so I should be fine to go! I'm hoping I can train tomorrow but will just have to wait and see how I feel in the morning. It's strange how much I hate missing my training sessions, don't get me wrong I love having a day of here and there but when I can't train it really annoys me.

Anyway better get organised and bags packed to head of tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!

Cheers, Hilds

Back to normal!

I just realised how long it had been since I have blogged. I suppose when your feeling down you don't really want to keep whinging about it!

The good news is I'm back to normal (if there's such a thing). And wow is it great to feel human again. I can finally fit back into my clothes again and my moods are back on track. It's amazing when you start to talk to other people about what your going through you find so many others who have experienced something similar. So after many weeks of hormonal hell I'm feeling great. Training is going great guns and nutrition is good. I've been pretty busy flying around with work the last 3 weeks but am happy to say i'm at home for 2 1/2 weeks now. Lots of exciting things happening at the moment, but will save that for another post.

Keep Smiling! Hilds

Things are looking up....

I finally feel like things are getting better. The last few days I feel I have been in control of my moods so much more. On Friday I went to see a Naturopath who specializes in women's hormones. I felt so much better after leaving as I could start to understand why I have been feeling so down. So I'm taking a couple more supplements which should help level my hormones out. Already I'm noticing a difference and I have lost a lot of the puffy feeling. I've also managed get stuck right into the training and have been loving my spin classes and long walks in the arvos. As much as I dread it on most days, just getting out in the fresh air in the afternoons helps my mood so much. I'm also tracking my moods to see if there is certain things that affect it and just to help me become more aware of my monthly cycle (whenever I get one!)

I'm of tomorrow, up to Cairns and then of to Sydney on Friday. I've got my dreaded Emergency Procedures training, I can't wait until its all over (bring on Friday afternoon!). Then I've got another week at home before my next trip. Must say I'm loving being part time. Anyway better get organised, I've got to get some songs to put on Cam's ipod as mine isn't working and I can't cope without and ipod. Cam's idea of music to train to and mine are very different (he might get a shock when he uses his ipod next time!).

Anyway just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who left a comment, it has helped so much just hearing other people's experiences. It's great to know your not alone. THANK YOU.

Love Hilds

Hormones and Depression

Oh my god sometimes I just wish I wasn't a woman! The last couple of weeks my hormones have been completely out of control. After 15 years I decided to go of the pill, not realising what a complete nightmare it would be. The last couple of weeks I've been so depressed, crying all the time for no apparent reason, forgetful, tired and just not at all myself! My poor new husband! (I think he has had moments where he was wondering why we got married!).

At the best of times I struggle not to slip into depression and rely heavily on exercising and eating well to keep me in a good frame of mind but with the change in hormones even that hasn't been enough. I went to the Dr the other day and was a blubbering mess and I was informed I'm depressed! Well I knew that, but what can I do to fix it! I pretty much know I have to exercise, eat well, think positive thoughts just to stay on track, but it is so so so frustrating when you are so down and there isn't a real reason for it.

Many of my family suffer from depression and up to now I was hoping that by living the way I do I could avoid it. My sister has got to a point where she relies on anti depressants and until seeing what dark places she got into I always thought there was so many other options. I still believe that for so many the benefits or a good clean diet and regular exercise are amazing although when it gets to the point you cannot function in your daily life then I do believe that medication can assist. In saying that I'm trying to keep positive and have been exercising lots, eating so well and taking every supplement known to man!

Although even with all the healthy living I am successfully putting on a kilo each week! I think (hope) a lot of it has to do with my hormones being out of control and not having a period since being of the pill. I just feel so puffy and fat that it is a depressing vicious circle.

Anyway just needed to get that of my chest. If there is anyone out there who has experienced anything similar I would love to hear from you.

For now I will keep positive and in saying that I'm of to the gym for session number two today (gotta do something to make me feel good!)

Love Hilds

Hooked on FACEBOOK

I never thought I would be one to get hooked on something like facebook. The last couple of days I've been amazed at how many friends I have found through facebook. Its been great seeing pics of all your old school friends and seeing where everyone is at. Although it hasn't been too good for me achieving my massive TO DO LIST.

Is anyone else out there a bit of a list freak. Each day I have to have my list of things to do, I rarely get it all done but without my list I feel a little lost. I've found after getting back from holidays I'm finding it really hard to get my mojo back!

I used to get up at 5am to do my workouts and would rarely miss one although this week I've been struggling to get up at 8am and have been up to midnight most nights. Don't know what's happening but can't wait to be an early riser again, I seem to get so much more done.

Just heard that Cam & I are off to Airlie Beach for 2 nights on Sunday. I can't wait I haven't even spend a night with Cam yet as he is on afternoon shift this week. I haven't been to Airlie for years so if will be great just to get away for a couple of days. Also next weekend we are off to Adelaide as its Cam's Dad 60th. I really don't think I'm meant to sleep in the same bed for more than a week.

Anyway stomach is rumbling, time for a big juicy salad!

Love Hilds

So good to be home....

I'm finally home after two weeks of flying all over the place. It was a bit of a shock to the system going straight back to work after only 2 days at home. I ended up doing a 6 day trip to Singapore, with lots of flying back and forth. On one day we flew from Singapore to Perth and back to Singapore, it was a very long day. So anyway all the hard work is over and I'm very very happy to be home until the end of February.

I am no longer working at the gym as I was just getting way too tired to fit it all in. So now I have heaps of time to get stuck into my many exciting goals for 2008.

This year I will be getting stuck into my own business (will reveal all once it is all finalised). Keeping up with my fitness and trying to get a bit leaner and fitter. I also need to complete my cert 4 (nearly there, I have just been dragging out the last little bit!).

I've also gone of the pill after about 15 years so I'm looking forward to seeing if I even get a proper cycle and getting myself ready to have a baby! Its kinda freaky thinking about having a baby but we can't keep putting it off forever. So were not trying right now (just practicing!!!) but later in the year we will most probably try. Its kinda funny that you put so much thought into wether to have a child or not and its quite possible that you can't, but we will cross that road if it comes.

So I'll be focussing on getting myself fit and healthy and in a good place before we think about having a bub. I'm seriously starting to get clucky although quite scared at the same time (I think about all that will change a little bit too much). I've downloaded this ovulation calender and its pretty groovy coz it tells you when you should/shouldn't be having sex, it says it can also help you determine what sex your baby will be (no idea if this works but sounds interesting).

Anyway I got back to the gym today as I have only been doing bits and pieces over the last few weeks. I did legs on friday and geez I have been sore the last few days. I don't think I have ever been this sore, ever, I could barely walk up the aisle on the aircraft and had to fall into bed as it hurt too much to bend, even had to lower myself on the loo (you know your in a bad way when that happens), I felt like I had done some serious damage. I should learn to ease back into things, although I do love getting Doms as you know you have trained hard. So back on track and hopefully the holiday weight starts to come off. I'm always a bit bigger after a good holiday but I expect it now (I like to truly relax on holidays!) and just know it will take me a few weeks to feel back to normal again.

Anyway enough rambling for one day!

Love Hilds

BEWARE LONG WEDDING POST!

The Italians!

I'M MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

And wow what an amazing time it was. I still can't believe that we had so many friends and family come all the way to Thailand to help us celebrate getting married!

We had the best day ever, I could do it over an over again.

It wasn't your typical wedding! I saw Cam the morning of the wedding and we hung out and had breaky and caught up with some friends. I was maybe a bit too relaxed and didn't start getting ready until way way too late. So I was a bit flustered when my hair wouldn't go right (95% humidity and a broken aircon didn't help!). So with my makeup melting of my face and my hair that wouldn't hold a curl to save its life I wasn't feeling too flash! The funny thing is as soon as I saw Cam and we were all on the boat I couldn't have cared less (wouldn't have mattered how my hair turned out anyway, as once I got on the speed boat it went everywhere anyway!). I couldn't stop smiling and just had the best day ever!

We caught a speedboat over to Bamboo Island, which is just off of Phi Phi Island. We ended up getting there a bit early, so when we arrived at Bamboo there were still a few Day Tripper tourists on the beach. It turned out to be the funniest part of the day, as we were all getting of the boat everyone (50+ people) on the beach started cheering and clapping (by the way we weren't even married yet!). I think they thought we were famous or something because I have never seen so many cameras in all my life. We were getting photos with old italian men in their speedos (nice!), their children and whoever else they could throw at us. Don't quite know what I was thinking getting married in the heat of the day in Thailand, I was just glad I'd had a couple of champas before arriving!

So it was lots and lots of pictures a very funny ceremony where our celebrant Noi could not pronounce my name to save his life (it was quite entertaining). I thought I would have been a blubbering mess but it turned out I was having too much fun and had troubles to stop laughing.

So the wedding day was just perfect!

Although all didn't go too well in the lead up. On the way to Thailand we lost our bags (first crying session). Our flight to Phuket was delayed, meaning we missed the ferry to Phi Phi, wasted a nights accommodation and had no where to stay in Phuket. The room we booked on Phi Phi was right near the pool, which is fine but also right near the noisy bar, most nights didn't get to sleep until 2am, lucky we were drinking every day!

Because some guests were only arriving a couple of days before the wedding we decided to have the combined Hens/Bucks night (I know not traditional to have them together but lots of fun!) on the Saturday night and the wedding was on the Monday. We drank to who knows what time, went swimming fully clothed and danced on the beach all night, it was soooo much fun. So Cam was half dead all day Sunday, I was sorta coping but not too well. Thank god for an amazing sister and some great friends who got all my crap together for me. You plan to eat well and exercise right up until your wedding day, well I think I did the opposite. I didn't want to regret not enjoying every minute with our family and friends in Thailand, so I did enjoy every minute!

We ended up having to change our honeymoon accommodation due to making sure we got to spend time with everyone. So the amazing place we were suppose to stay wasn't free on the dates we needed so we stayed in Krabi instead. It was an amazing resort although they had a French Conference group there who had big party/bands on every night (lucky we got room moved). Then on the way home we couldn't get any accommodation in Singapore so we had to spend the whole night hanging in Changi airport (2nd crying episode!).

All in all it was a big adventure and the best part is that the wedding couldn't have been better if we wanted it to be! Just might need another honeymoon.

So on to an exciting year. I have so many plans, both personal and business wise this year (but I'll save that for another post!).

Will visit everyones blogs soon, have been outta the loop for too long.

Lots of Love Hilds

NEARLY FORGOT, GOT THIS PIC THE OTHER DAY. IT IS WHERE WE ARE HAVING COCKTAILS AFTER THE WEDDING CEREMONY, HOW PERFECT!

Counting down the days!!!!

Geez I'm hanging out for a holiday! I don't think I have ever left it this long without having a proper break and its killing me!

Had a sickie on Monday as I was feeling like death, after a manic week last week I think I got a little run down. After my Japan flight I ended up getting stranded in Townsville as our aircraft broke down. So I hadn't slept, was in my smelly uniform with everyone staring at me as I'm trying not to fall asleep in the airport lounge (not a good look in Qantas uniform). So anyway only got an hours sleep in total and I wasn't a happy camper! Then I had to be back at work in the gym the next day, not good. So anyway I survived (sort of) and made it to the weekend where I decided getting pissed and eating heaps of crap would make me feel better, didn't really work but the good news is I've had a great week this week, eating clean and training hard!

I'm just kinda at the point now where I'm happy to go to Thailand looking however as I am just so excited about getting married and having a big holiday with our family and friends. So I've just been trying to limit the social functions as there seems to be so many at the moment and I just really can't be bothered. Piked out on two functions last night and went to bed at 8:30 instead. Feeling heaps better for it and just went for a 50min run and 40min beach walk, now its breaky time!

Having quite a few ups and downs at the moment as I'm struggling with working so much and really need to make some serious changes next year as I'm just getting burnt out. But I don't really want to make any decisions just yet as I know after a good holiday I will have a better perspective on things!

Have posted some pics, the one of me and Cam is at the gym Chrissy Party, oh nearly forgot to mention the gym I work at "City Fitness" just won Queensland Fitness Facility of the year (pretty cool!). The other two pics of me are taken out the front of our place in Mackay, loving living on the beach!

Anyway better go, lots to do as usual.

Lots of love Hilds

Getting so so excited!

Well here I am sitting back in Japan, it feels like forever since I've been here! I think my last trip must have been back in August. So I'm just using my day here to get super organised for the wedding.

We still or should I say I still have so much organising to do, wedding planning definitely isn't a favourite thing for men to get involved in. Cam is just now starting to get excited, its so funny I get excited so far out where as it isn't until Cam is sitting on the airplane that he seems to get excited. So for him to seem excited this far out is a very good sign, he he. It was funny as on the weekend he was trying to explain our travel/wedding plans to his Mum who lives in Thailand and he really had no idea! I had to get on the phone and explain where we were going to be when. I'm glad we are not having a big flash wedding as I can imagine it would be an absolute nightmare to organise.

I'm very excited that we have decided to do exactly what we want. We have about 20 or so family and friends heading over to Phi Phi Island Thailand for our wedding. The day will be very casual and hopefully lots and lots of fun. The plan is that we will be getting picked up by speedboats from Phi Phi and taken to Bamboo Island where they will have set up for the ceremony as it will be much quieter over there. After all the formal stuff its straight into champagne on the beach and back on the boats to go to the Coconut Beach Bar for lots of Cocktails, food and dancing. We have no formal dinner, speeches cake or anything (we sound slack, dont we!), but we just didn't want anything formal coz its just not us!

So anyway just need to finalise all the little things and better book some flights soon. So 6 weeks from today I'll be getting ready to get married, oh how exciting. So another 5 weeks until we fly out. So I'm still training hard and slowly getting there. I've really tightened up my nutrition for the next three weeks while I don't have too much stuff on. Its been pretty hard with all the Chrissy parties and stuff but I've just been doing the best I can. I'm feeling pretty good at the moment but just need to really tighten things up for the next couple of weeks.

I'll be flying all over Christmas and have a 5 day trip starting 5am Chrissy morning. So I know that week will be tough as I always struggle after early starts and especially 5 in a row plus trying to fit in a bit of Chrissy celebrations. So I won't be home for Christmas but wasn't too fazed this year as I start my holidays on the 31st of December. The good news is I will be flying in to Adelaide on Boxing day and will be able to catch up with all the family (as tired as I will be!). So I'm being a very good girl at the moment as I know that Chrissy will be hard and I'm running out of time. Although in saying that I'm pretty happy with where I am at and should be feeling even better by the time we fly out. Will post some progress pics when I get some time to download some pics.

Anyway enough rambling for one post. Sorry for my lack of posting life is just a little frantic as usual and we have only just got broadband on (dialup isn't much fun!).

Well bye for now better try and rest up as I'm flying throughout the night and not used to that anymore, don't think I'll be a happy camper tomorrow.

Cheers Hilds

9 weeks to go!!!

Ok so its crunch time! I've only got 9 weeks until we head over to Thailand to get married. Obviously I want to look and feel fantastic for my wedding but for some reason I just can't seem to get my shit together at the moment. I've been training really hard and eating really well most of the time, although when the weekend hits I seem to really struggle. Friday night and Saturday were pretty average food wise this week and I feel like I am constantly taking a step backwards as soon as I start to make some progress. You'd think having the wedding so close would keep me motivated but I just can't seem to stay on track for more than a week!

So anyway here I am back blogging hoping it will keep me a bit more accountable. In my first week I managed to get rid of about 10cm although too scared to take my measurements this week as I feel like a puffer fish after all the carbs I've had. Anyway will check them tomorrow and will start blogging my progress to keep me on track. Well now I've got that of my chest, the rest of my life is going really well. I'm managing to combine part time flying with working in a gym when I am not flying. I'm enjoying the variety at the moment, although not used to have so little time to myself and getting up at 5am for training is killing me!

Well anyway will update soon with progress reports and maybe even some pics if I'm feeling brave.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!

Hilds

I'm Back..........

Well I survived, just.......

The last two months would have to go down as the hardest months of my life ever! As you know I was all set to step on stage in October, but due to so many challenges thrown at me I had to make the decision not to compete. I would love to be saying I will be up on stage in a weeks time although unfortunatley I will have to take another bash at it later down the track, preferably when life isn't so out of control.

So August was hell! I started out trying to fit in comp prep with moving and changing jobs, which I was coping with just. Although it all got a bit too hard when a close member of my family was diagnosed with Multiple Scelrosis, then 2 days later my Auntie died and then a week later another close member of my family was in hospital with heart problems. Somehow I managed to get through it all, its amazing how special family is in hard times. Cam has also been amazing and I'm sure found it very hard knowing that a lot of the times I was alone in Cairns.

I don't normally take too much notice of my stars but for the month of August they were spot on. " LEO, This is potentially one of the most important months you'll have for the next 30 years. Once August is over, the planet of hard lessons and obstacles, Saturn, will leave your sign. You'l have passed through one of the hardest levels of life ever. Your hard work and any problems of the past few years have left you older and wiser."

So I've survived and things are looking great. I can finally see that light shinning at the other end of the tunnel. With all that has happened one of the most positive things is that you really appreciate everything you have and really want to make the most of every day!

I have decided to go part-time flying, so as of October I will be part time (yee-ha). I have now officially moved to Mackay and will hopefully be down here more than I am away! I've still been jettsetting all over the place and can't remember the last time I was in the same place for more than three nights but at least I can smile about it now.

Health and fitness wise, I have managed to maintain a good training routine although nutrition has left a lot to be disired. I normally have a few good days followed by a few really bad days! So tommorrow is the D Day. The time has come to get serious and get my butt looking hot for my wedding in Thailand in January. So I'll be back blogging a lot more as I need every bit of motivation I can get at the moment.

So here is to a great October!

Break from Blogging for a while

Just taking a bit of a break from blogging for a while. Still reading lots of blogs just not posting at the moment! Be back soon........

Bring on January and holidays!

Well this month would officially have to go down as one of my hardest months ever!!!!!!

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere although I'm really struggling to see it just now. So this week hasn't been the best. The good things were I managed to get the furniture moved down to Mackay, so at least Cam has a bed to sleep on. Although it meant that my Birthday was spent waiting for removalists, who seem to always be late! So now I'm in Cairns with no bed and an empty house although hopefully not here for long.

Anyway the last couple of days would officially be classed as shit! On Friday night we flew back to Cairns from Mackay. We had to go the long way home (via Brissie) coz there were no seats on the direct flights! We got back home about 11pm and crawled into bed about 1am. I was on call from 4am - 4pm on Saturday so I was just praying that I didn't get called to fly out. Although at 4am the phone rang and I had to be in at work by 5am! Well I was a bit of a walking zombie yesterday and purely survived by eating shit all day (I'm a big time emotional eater!). So on top of it all I had two lots or really bad news!

So anyway I've stopped eating shit today and made myself go for a run this morning and aiming for a few days of good eating, exercise and lots of sleep! I'm of to Melbourne on Wednesday for 8days training. Then I'm planning on surprising Mum for her 60th Birthday on the 29th. She doesn't know I'm coming over but thought while I was in Melbourne I might as well make the quick trip over to Adelaide for the night (she will be sooo happy!). And then finally after two weeks away I'll get to see Cam for a day or so. So life is busy at the moment and I'm coping and I know that things will get better week by week! So here's to tomorrow and a great day!

Moving onwards & upwards!

Things have been hectic, but going really well this week. I've managed to cram in back to back Japan trips, plus organise the house to be moved and done all my training!

I'm just in Osaka at the moment and went for a big run plus 20 minutes of stairs at the amphitheatre. I am still recovering as it was stinking hot at 6am, thought I'd get going early and I'd be ok, but the sun was out and beaming. So my face is still a beetroot and I'm just waiting to cool down before I jump in the shower.

I'm feeling much better about everything this week. My head is in a better place and starting to feel like things will eventually get a bit calmer. Since I've decided not to compete I have had mixed feelings, I feel relieved but at the same time a little lost. Di has been fantastic support through it all and has made the whole decision making process a lot easier. I was really concerned with letting her down and will miss the contact as she is a great trainer, but I just honestly didn't want to be only putting in 70%, as if I'm going to compete one day I want to be able to put everything in to it, and unfortunately right now I have higher priorities. Although in saying that I'm still training hard and following my nutrition plan (maybe not quite as strict some days but trying!). So I'll keep going along strong and doing the best I can each week and see where it gets me.

I am heading down to Mackay for my Birthday on Thursday and the great news is that all the furniture should arrive that day. I'm so excited as I can't wait to move into our new place as it is in such an awesome location. I have never lived right on the beach before, I'm already looking forward to doing some beach runs. There is also a big park next to us with some awesome stairs and a running track, so I'm set!

Will post some pics when I can get my hands on the camera. Cam has been taking lots of snaps of him in the helicopter and out on the ships. He is loving his new job, so it makes it all worth it to see him so happy! Can't wait to finally move, not long now!

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for all the comments! Love Hilds

What a weekend!

Not quite as planned but a lot of stuff got sorted out this weekend. As you know I was hanging out to go and visit Cam and try and find our new home in Mackay.

So I got down Thursday arvo and finally saw Cam which was awesome! I spent Friday going around town checking everything out and went to all the gyms in town and had a sneak peak at what was available. By the end of Friday we had been approved on our first choice place to live. It was such a relief as I had my heart set on living at the Marina although our choices were limited, anyway we got an awesome Villa on the beach. So Friday night we celebrated and went out to dinner and even had a few drinks (all approved by Di!). So I was on a bit of a high on Friday. Although Saturday was a different story, overnight I had turned into this grumpy, moody depressed person. I was a bitch all day and really couldn't seem to snap myself out of it. I was ruining my only time with Cam for the next couple of weeks and was getting more frustrated by the minute as all I wanted to do was be settled in one place and just be happy. Although the more I thought about things the harder it all seemed.

The plan was while I was trying to compete, to stay in Cairns and keep all the furniture (gym stuff) so at least I had a base. As its hard enough trying to fit in an overseas trip each week and prepare all of my food and do my training without trying to stay at a friends house before and after trips. So I thought it was best to keep the house in Cairns until I competed. Although this meant that when Cam moved into the place in Mackay he would have no furniture (nothing) until October! It also meant I wouldn't see much of Cam and would mainly be living in Cairns by myself.

So after a very emotional day on Saturday I took some time to work out what was most important to me. Obviously it wasn't even a process as I new regardless of everything I just wanted to be where my partner is and start our new life together, not Cam in Mackay and me in Cairns!

So as hard as its been I have decided I will not be competing in October as I just know I cannot honestly put in 100%. There will be some weeks coming up when I will not be able to fit in all my training and I don't want to feel so guilty about it that it effects everything in my life. I am also changing employers in September and as such I have two weeks full time training in Melbourne in 2 weeks time, over this time I am in a hotel room and trying to cram as much study in as possible so I can pass. Also with my new employer I have a lot less control over my rosters and we have new flying patters so I don't even know where I will be flying or if I will get certain days of. So all of this has been stressing me out. I had always known that things were going to be hard and that I would deal with it as the time came. And I suppose that is what I am doing now. I never ever expected to be making this decision after my weekend with Cam as I have been feeling fantastic and noticing some good changes. Although at the end of the day my relationship, mental and physical health is the most important things to me. So I've had to tell myself I can't always do everything that I want.

So after a bit (that's an understatement!) of a binge on the weekend, I've pulled myself together and back into the training and eating well! It took Monday and Tuesday to get rid of those sugar cravings and get my motivation back. You forget how shit you feel after a binge session, it will take me at least this week to feel good again. But the good news is that my motivation is back and I'm just in Japan waiting for the gym to open so I can get an awesome cardio session out of the way.

So the removalist is booked for next Tuesday. I get back on Thursday from Japan and will be madly packing as I'm of to Japan again on Friday back on Sunday and have to have the house all packed up by Tuesday. Then I'm down to Mackay on Wednesday for my Birthday on Thursday (staying in our new place with absolutely no furniture) and then back to Cairns on Friday! Oh what a busy week, but at least I'm smiling about it now.

I nearly wasn't going to post this update as Its sometimes so easy to only post the positive things, although I feel so much better for getting it all of my chest.

Hope everyone is healthy and happy!

Love Hilds

I'm still alive!

I'm back! Have been a bit slack on the blogging front, reading lots of blogs just not posting much. So much has been happening I don't even know where to begin.

Firstly I had an absolute ball in Melbourne, loved watching the show and couldn't have asked for a better room mate! It was fantastic to meet Di in person and she is even more lovelier than I imagined. I also got to meet so many others (Sue, Jodie, Selina , Ali, Kerry, Nat, Kelly and I 'm sure more!). I felt a bit bad coz I really didn't get to chat to anyone much as I was so engrossed in watching the show and trying to work out if I could really do this.

Anyway I'm still going ahead, planning on stepping on stage in Oct 6 Brissie INBA show. At the moment I'm having massive up's and downs with it all (poor Di has to listen to it all!). Some days I feel on top of the world, really feeling like I am making changes and can see myself up on that stage. Where as other days I feel fat and frumpy, don't feel like I will be ready in time and why am I even bothering with it all (as I definitely don't feel like sports model material). Anyway aside from it all I am just taking every day as it comes and trying to do the best with the day at hand and hopefully all these baby steps will get me closer to where I want to be. I've worked out that my biggest struggle is when I am sleep deprived, my mood plummets, I struggle to stay on track with my nutrition and training is the biggest effort known to man. I'm slowly learning though that normally it only lasts for a day and as soon as I have a good nights sleep I'm on top of the world again. Will post some progress pics when I feel brave enough! (not for a few weeks yet). So I'm about 10 weeks out and lots of changes to be made in that time.

On the home front I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. Cam is now down in Mackay and I'm still in Cairns. I'm finding it all a bit hard and really just wanting to get packed up and be there with Cam. Although due to changes with work and training it just isn't possible just yet.

On a positive note I have 3 more sleeps and I'll get to spend a few days with Cam! I'm so excited and I even get to have a free meal while I'm down there, I can't wait.

So right now I'm in Japan. I went for a 50 minute run this morning, followed by 20 minutes of stairs and feeling really good about everything (on an up day!). I'm trying my hardest to get a lot of my training done before I get to Mackay so I can enjoy some time of with Cam.

Anyway better get moving, got some shopping to do!

Have a great week everyone. Cheers Hilds

Melbourne here I come! (sorry no title as blogger wont let me)

So only a couple more days and I'll get to see my first ever show! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am and even more so now as Di is coming too and staying with me. Although that's freaking me out a little having your trainer see you in person and check out all your bad bits! Especially since I'm going to have to take the next couple of days of training because I have this rotten flu and just can't seem to kick it. I'm actually going to go to the Dr as soon as I get in tomorrow morning from Japan and see if I can get some antibiotics. I don't normally take them, think I've only had them twice in my life but with all this flying I just don't seem to be able to get over this cold. And all I really want to do at the moment is train hard, I'm already missing being able to go for a run but I just don't have the energy at the moment. So I want to be feeling fine for Melbourne, so trying to rest up today before my night flight home as the next few days are going to be busy.

Due to School holidays I've actually had to fly to Adelaide for a night just so I can get to Melbourne on Friday as all the flights are full out of Cairns. Anyway will get to catch up with the family for a night which will be lovely. Although now that I'm flying out a day earlier it means I only get in tomorrow morning and then I'm of at lunch time to Adelaide. So I don't think I'll be sleeping tomorrow as I have to pack and try and find some shoes (mine have gone missing, great timing) and other stuff before I fly out. Was originally planning on getting my hair done on Thursday although no time now so will be looking a bit dodgy. Oh well still extremely excited about it all.

Hope to see everyone on Saturday when I'm feeling much better ! (positive thinking)

I'm home! God it's good to be home after 6 days away.

Firstly I should apologize for my last angry post, as you can tell I was feeling very shit! Anyway it's amazing what a good nights sleep will do. I woke up the next day feeling a million dollars, sleep is my new drug!

So its been a busy but good week, my trip went quite quickly which is always great. I had a great crew to work with which makes such a huge difference so it was a great week. I managed to stay on track with my nutrition as I was very organised and had a weeks worth of salad packed, lots of chicken and heaps of tuna. So I can happily say I was a very good girl. I also managed to get all of my training done as the gym in Manila has quite a bit of stuff compared to your normal hotel gym, although could do with a few fans as I sweated to death.

I have my weekly check in tomorrow, check weight and measurements so hopefully I will get a good result. Its funny some weeks you can feel as you have done really well but the results don't show and others you feel you have gone backwards and all the measurements have actually gone down. I feel like I am shrinking so I just hope that the measurements prove me right.

Anyway getting excited about moving now, Cam is off in two weeks and then I'll start to organise when I can go down. I know I will want to go straight away although with comp prep and changing work shifts I am going to have to wait a little bit. I still have some days when I wonder if I am doing the right thing trying to compete this year when things are so busy. I kinda feel very selfish as I need to hold on to the house for a couple of months to keep the gym here so I can still get all my training done, otherwise we would rent it out a lot sooner. Anyway lucky I have an amazing partner who is happy to support me in all the decisions I make.

Anyway enough for today I have lots of DVDs to watch as I stocked up on all the new releases while I was in Manila, I hope they work wouldn't want to waste a whole dollar on a DVD!

Will check in tomorrow with how I have gone for the week.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Love Hilds

Sleep deprived!

Geez I hate the feeling when you are so tired but just can't sleep and you just can't seem to get motivated to do anything! Well this is how I feel today, I always feel pretty crap after a night flight but today I'm feeling very very average. I got in at 6am this morning and crawled into bed where I tossed and turned for three hours before deciding I was over it and was going to get up. Its really strange coz I'm super tired but just can't seem to sleep. So today has just been one big struggle not to overeat and really just survive the day. Haven't done any training as I decided it was best to wait until I could actually put in a decent effort, and I still have enough time this week to get all my training sessions done. So anyway just needed to have a whinge, I'll be over it tomorrow and feeling 100%, amazing what a good nights sleep will do! Anyway hope everyone else has had a far more productive day than myself! Sleep well! Hilds