Break from Blogging for a while

Just taking a bit of a break from blogging for a while. Still reading lots of blogs just not posting at the moment! Be back soon........

Bring on January and holidays!

Well this month would officially have to go down as one of my hardest months ever!!!!!!

I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere although I'm really struggling to see it just now. So this week hasn't been the best. The good things were I managed to get the furniture moved down to Mackay, so at least Cam has a bed to sleep on. Although it meant that my Birthday was spent waiting for removalists, who seem to always be late! So now I'm in Cairns with no bed and an empty house although hopefully not here for long.

Anyway the last couple of days would officially be classed as shit! On Friday night we flew back to Cairns from Mackay. We had to go the long way home (via Brissie) coz there were no seats on the direct flights! We got back home about 11pm and crawled into bed about 1am. I was on call from 4am - 4pm on Saturday so I was just praying that I didn't get called to fly out. Although at 4am the phone rang and I had to be in at work by 5am! Well I was a bit of a walking zombie yesterday and purely survived by eating shit all day (I'm a big time emotional eater!). So on top of it all I had two lots or really bad news!

So anyway I've stopped eating shit today and made myself go for a run this morning and aiming for a few days of good eating, exercise and lots of sleep! I'm of to Melbourne on Wednesday for 8days training. Then I'm planning on surprising Mum for her 60th Birthday on the 29th. She doesn't know I'm coming over but thought while I was in Melbourne I might as well make the quick trip over to Adelaide for the night (she will be sooo happy!). And then finally after two weeks away I'll get to see Cam for a day or so. So life is busy at the moment and I'm coping and I know that things will get better week by week! So here's to tomorrow and a great day!

Moving onwards & upwards!

Things have been hectic, but going really well this week. I've managed to cram in back to back Japan trips, plus organise the house to be moved and done all my training!

I'm just in Osaka at the moment and went for a big run plus 20 minutes of stairs at the amphitheatre. I am still recovering as it was stinking hot at 6am, thought I'd get going early and I'd be ok, but the sun was out and beaming. So my face is still a beetroot and I'm just waiting to cool down before I jump in the shower.

I'm feeling much better about everything this week. My head is in a better place and starting to feel like things will eventually get a bit calmer. Since I've decided not to compete I have had mixed feelings, I feel relieved but at the same time a little lost. Di has been fantastic support through it all and has made the whole decision making process a lot easier. I was really concerned with letting her down and will miss the contact as she is a great trainer, but I just honestly didn't want to be only putting in 70%, as if I'm going to compete one day I want to be able to put everything in to it, and unfortunately right now I have higher priorities. Although in saying that I'm still training hard and following my nutrition plan (maybe not quite as strict some days but trying!). So I'll keep going along strong and doing the best I can each week and see where it gets me.

I am heading down to Mackay for my Birthday on Thursday and the great news is that all the furniture should arrive that day. I'm so excited as I can't wait to move into our new place as it is in such an awesome location. I have never lived right on the beach before, I'm already looking forward to doing some beach runs. There is also a big park next to us with some awesome stairs and a running track, so I'm set!

Will post some pics when I can get my hands on the camera. Cam has been taking lots of snaps of him in the helicopter and out on the ships. He is loving his new job, so it makes it all worth it to see him so happy! Can't wait to finally move, not long now!

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for all the comments! Love Hilds

What a weekend!

Not quite as planned but a lot of stuff got sorted out this weekend. As you know I was hanging out to go and visit Cam and try and find our new home in Mackay.

So I got down Thursday arvo and finally saw Cam which was awesome! I spent Friday going around town checking everything out and went to all the gyms in town and had a sneak peak at what was available. By the end of Friday we had been approved on our first choice place to live. It was such a relief as I had my heart set on living at the Marina although our choices were limited, anyway we got an awesome Villa on the beach. So Friday night we celebrated and went out to dinner and even had a few drinks (all approved by Di!). So I was on a bit of a high on Friday. Although Saturday was a different story, overnight I had turned into this grumpy, moody depressed person. I was a bitch all day and really couldn't seem to snap myself out of it. I was ruining my only time with Cam for the next couple of weeks and was getting more frustrated by the minute as all I wanted to do was be settled in one place and just be happy. Although the more I thought about things the harder it all seemed.

The plan was while I was trying to compete, to stay in Cairns and keep all the furniture (gym stuff) so at least I had a base. As its hard enough trying to fit in an overseas trip each week and prepare all of my food and do my training without trying to stay at a friends house before and after trips. So I thought it was best to keep the house in Cairns until I competed. Although this meant that when Cam moved into the place in Mackay he would have no furniture (nothing) until October! It also meant I wouldn't see much of Cam and would mainly be living in Cairns by myself.

So after a very emotional day on Saturday I took some time to work out what was most important to me. Obviously it wasn't even a process as I new regardless of everything I just wanted to be where my partner is and start our new life together, not Cam in Mackay and me in Cairns!

So as hard as its been I have decided I will not be competing in October as I just know I cannot honestly put in 100%. There will be some weeks coming up when I will not be able to fit in all my training and I don't want to feel so guilty about it that it effects everything in my life. I am also changing employers in September and as such I have two weeks full time training in Melbourne in 2 weeks time, over this time I am in a hotel room and trying to cram as much study in as possible so I can pass. Also with my new employer I have a lot less control over my rosters and we have new flying patters so I don't even know where I will be flying or if I will get certain days of. So all of this has been stressing me out. I had always known that things were going to be hard and that I would deal with it as the time came. And I suppose that is what I am doing now. I never ever expected to be making this decision after my weekend with Cam as I have been feeling fantastic and noticing some good changes. Although at the end of the day my relationship, mental and physical health is the most important things to me. So I've had to tell myself I can't always do everything that I want.

So after a bit (that's an understatement!) of a binge on the weekend, I've pulled myself together and back into the training and eating well! It took Monday and Tuesday to get rid of those sugar cravings and get my motivation back. You forget how shit you feel after a binge session, it will take me at least this week to feel good again. But the good news is that my motivation is back and I'm just in Japan waiting for the gym to open so I can get an awesome cardio session out of the way.

So the removalist is booked for next Tuesday. I get back on Thursday from Japan and will be madly packing as I'm of to Japan again on Friday back on Sunday and have to have the house all packed up by Tuesday. Then I'm down to Mackay on Wednesday for my Birthday on Thursday (staying in our new place with absolutely no furniture) and then back to Cairns on Friday! Oh what a busy week, but at least I'm smiling about it now.

I nearly wasn't going to post this update as Its sometimes so easy to only post the positive things, although I feel so much better for getting it all of my chest.

Hope everyone is healthy and happy!

Love Hilds